MY HAPPIEST THOUGHT IS YOU

by Ryan Allen

Somehow

it all just has to be connected:

the film about the special theory of relativity,

the murmuration of starlings

moving with mindfulness overhead,

using the body

to heal the body,

the something profound

of putting a plant in the ground

and the magic

of Fibonacci

and the amygdala

sharing this liminal space.

 

So sometimes I go looking for a miracle

and get disappointed

when I come up short. Then I look

at our kids and realize

we created three.

“You must do the thing

you think you cannot do,”

Eleanor Roosevelt says,

and for me

that sounds like healing,

 

so the light drives out the darkness

and we live

like everything is rigged in our favor,

 

we tell a story,

find a tribe

and lead a movement

to make

a change.

 

Kids jumping off the couch

don’t believe they are falling—

they feel like they’re flying—they don’t know

they can’t fly

so they do. We learn by watching. We practice

doing,

 

so we shock our Ra

and feel the chi moving

through the meridians

that pass between us.

 

We rest. We ready

ourselves to begin.

 

We re-create

ourselves anew

and then come to feel we can be

who we want to be. We just have to decide

to be it. We can love ourselves

not for who we were

but for who we are becoming

and we can stop starting over by never giving up.

 

Wittgenstein says, “All I know is what I have words for,”

so nothing is impossible. The word itself

says “I’m possible.” So it is possible. We are

possible. You are possible.

 

The thread

will never break.

 

And then we dance to the Avett Brothers at the Orpheum

and I tell you how I see Liam and Nolan

on stage in twenty years—

in the banjo moans

and rhythm rolls

and in the “nothing worth sharing

like the love

that lets us share our name.”

 

“Why can’t you see yourself as beautiful

as I see you,” they sing,

and I know without doubt

 

the happiest thought of my life

is you

 

and I know now

I am me

because you are you

 

and that love

is a choice

 

so I choose

in this life

and the next

to love

and be

with you.

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